Hope
by itrustyoutokillme
Summary: Michael's POV during the call of 2x04 First Down. Season 2 spoilers.


It felt good. No, it felt exhilarating. The crunch of Bellick's face beneath my boot had made the last month of my life worth every single second.

I had tried not to fall in love. It wasn't my intention when I walked through those gates, shackled at the hands and ankles for my crime. But I had. I had put my entire plan in jeopardy by revealing the key to our escape to her, entrusting her to protect my information. That night, when I reached for the door and tuned the handle on baited breath, I hoped, no I prayed to anyone that would listen that she had felt the same way.

And she had. The door was open and we were out. We are by no means free from persecution, and the manhunt ranges on, but what I didn't expect was what Bellick spat out into the dusty air of the shack. As he spoke, the anger roared through my body, my knuckles turned white in clenched fists and my jaw locked closed so tightly I thought I might break it in two.

And then silence. It was a blur, a moment of pure evil that had been waiting to escape since the second I stepped foot inside Fox River. I've said it before, prison changes people, and now the darkness in me has taken over and booted Bellick right in the face. Literally. Lincoln is stunned to silence at my side and fear flashes in Nika's eyes. I am a different man than these people once new.

I have to talk to her and yet I have to stay away. I have already involved her far too much than I intended and if what Bellick says is true I cannot blame her for hating me. Or will she hate me? She hated me the night I told her my plan. She hated me when she knew I had lied to her, and yet she unlocked the door. Would she hate me now?

I reach for my cell phone as I leave the room, loose fragments from the foundations swirling high into the air. I flip open the front and begin to dial the number I have known for so long and never used. I wait, and all I hear is the pounding of my heart in my chest, each and every beat thundering through my being.

A click. "Hello?" she almost sings down the phone, the happiness apparent in her words. For a second I hope Bellick was lying.

I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. My voice cracks and I have to force the words out. "Sara, It's me." The pause is brief but far too long.

"What do you want?" My heart breaks when I realise it is true and she is protecting herself from me, pushing me away.

My knees feel weak and I begin to weep. Leaning forward, my hot forehead makes contact with the dirty wall and I try to hide the anguish in my voice. "I don't have time to talk…" I have to swallow the lump that is in my throat "…and there's every chance they are listening to this call right now, but there's a lot a want to say"

God there is so much, but I try to stay focused. I try to remain calm and cautious. I know I am taking a huge risk by calling her but I cannot hang up knowing what I now know. I cannot hang up without her knowing. My palms become sweaty and the hurt I have caused makes me dissolve inside. Outside, my breath hitches and I squeeze my eyes together once again, releasing a single tear from its eyelid prison. "Please don't hang up on me"

"I don't…" she falters, her voice raising slightly with emotion before she composes herself. Composes her lie. "…I don't want to talk to you"

"I heard about…" I can't say it. I can't say it because I know I am the reason for it. My ragged breathing causes me to sink further into the wall as if it were her arms. I am crying now, each and every tear representing a thousand apologies I must give to her. I try to regain my strength of will, a gurgled cough escaping my throat. "I heard about what happened"

The silence is deafening. I know she is still there because I can hear the faint hum of engines in the background. I go on. She has to know.

"And I want you to know…" I pause briefly to allow my chest to heave and the sorrow to flow from my eyes. "I want you to know how sorry I am," I almost whisper into the wall "For everything"

"Sorry's not going to do me a whole lot of good with what I'm up against right now" I fear the anger in her voice has all but ruined her and what she thinks of me. I hold out hope that there are some tiny traces of Sara still left in her shell. The rational person I fell in love with.

"Listen" I try to appeal to that person. "Anyone with ties to me or my brother is in serious danger right now" I don't want to scare her but I don't want her to get caught up in anything that would get her hurt. Or worse.

What she says next pains my soul. "I have no ties to you and your brother anymore" And I wonder how I can make it all right over the phone. Truth is I can't and I shouldn't expect to. Raising my head off of the wall my face passes through a stream of light, its habituated dust dancing in between the rays. My eyes burn from the tears and my heart burns from her words.

"There's a way I can protect you" I try in desperation. There is nothing more I'd want in this world than to see the two people I love under the utmost protection. Lincoln is already by my side. "It is already in your possession" For the sake of her protection, I must be cryptic.

"What are you talking about?" She sounds like she is pleading and I wish to all that is eternal I can give her the answers she seek. But not here, not now. I reveal the one thing in my whole being I know I can tell her.

"It was real Sara. You and me" I push another formed obstruction down my already dry throat. "It's real"

I let more tears escape my eyes as I listen to her breathing on the other end of the phone. I know she is remembering the kiss and the way we touched. I know because I am too and the silence between us is our way of speaking volumes to each other. Like two forbidden lovers we speak in symbols that only the other can understand.

I want to say more. I want to tell her so much if she'll let me but there will be time for that. I know she is safe right now and I hope she was listening to my words. I hope she can understand why I am doing what I am doing, and I hope she forgives me. I just hope.

"Michael…" I cut her off as I snap the phone shut. I have already been on the call for too long and I know and hope that she could decipher my symbols.

I know she can so I just hope she will.


End file.
